The Gatlinburg Tarzan

So many interesting things can happen on Spring Break, especially if you go to places like Cancun or Miami Beach. Well three of my friends and I decided to go to Gatlinburg, TN, not a typical spring break destination as we quickly found out, I mean there was only one bar open past midnight. But our cabin was pretty sweet, it was called the “Love Shack” which included a heart shaped Jacuzzi in the master bedroom, a pool table, Pac-Man arcade game, and an outdoor Jacuzzi. However, after arriving we discovered there wasn’t much to do even during the day, because it was definitely a very Christian and family oriented place with mini golf and a garden of life sized biblical statues. Therefore we drank a lot and went to Blake’s the only bar there was, trying to make as many sins as possible. Luckily, there was a group of men about our age also on spring break. The semi attractive bound men started talking to us, and my friend Ashley got Chippendale dancer’s number (he was not really one, just reminded us of one). So we were invited over their VIP Cabin the next night; it was two levels with a lot of bedrooms. Immediately after we arrived, they wanted us to start drinking and play pool. After the bottle of Patron was drank, and shots being taken the clothes started coming off. It’s true, tequila makes your clothes come off, next thing I know we are all hooking up with different men. I was in a bubble bath with Rico on one side and Matt on the other stroking both of their manscicles while making out. Then my other friend came in and her and Matt went in the shower and Rico and I were left to our own devices. I think the hot tub was next, we wanted some privacy trying to avoid other couples. After some literally steamy sex, Rico covered himself with a small white town and wrapped it around himself like a loin cloth and proceeded to do a dance of celebration as we journeyed to our next location, the family room floor. Now I remember this visibly and it was the first time I attempted to do a 69 and wow it was not working. I don’t understand how one can pleasure and enjoy at the same time. I need to concentrate what I’m doing, which makes it hard for me to enjoy. Then after hours of loving, we thankfully decided to go back to our cabin. On the way out, the men went our on their balcony screaming “number 1”! Thus, despite a small town, we still managed to have a good time, and I even got with Rico another night, bubble bath and all.

Plan B my Hero!

I am trying to stay in order of all my sexual escapades the best I can. So I am pretty sure Andrew from BG is next. So I went to go visit my friend Kevin at Bowling Green because he was having a 70’s themed house party. Loving to dress up I looked pretty hot in my 70’s leather jacket, page boy hat, glitter top, and bellbottom jeans. And thankfully I have always been one of those girls who knows how to do my make up, not like some people who try and cake on foundation so it melts off their face. So shortly after I got there I spotted my conquest for the night, Andrew. I have always had a thing for guys with dark hair and colored eyes, and he fit that description. So our eyes met and he crossed the room towards me and we had some flirty conversation before we went in one of the bedrooms at the house. I must have just liked the attention or was too drunk to care at this point, because he was pretty hairy and that really turns me off. Some of my friends say I like little boys since I prefer a smooth chest and no back hair, but I am sorry if I have to shave, I think men should too or at least suck it up and go get waxed. Andrew was a good kisser though and he was decent at eating me out. Then I gave him OK head and he had a good sized penis, and as we were doing these festivities someone totally walked in on us, which I thought was hilarious. We exchanged numbers and I don’t know why I actually thought something more may happen with him.

A month or so later we met up at another University, which looking back was dumb, I should have found someone else for the night. Anyways, I was staying at a friend of a friend’s house, and was definitely being clingy texting Andrew to hook up, because of course I was horny. I don’t know why I get so infatuated with such douche bags, I still have never been able to break this trend. So we finally met up on the street after a long night of drinking. I of course thought maybe we would get together much sooner, and we went back to the house where I was staying. And I definitely had sex with him without a condom, and it wasn’t good at all, so I stopped him after a minute. I was so disappointed after our time before was so passionate, and now he was not talented and we were banging on a family room floor. Not comfy. Then he left because I am not afraid to say what is on my mind, so I told him it was BAD, so he left. Now frustrated, horny, and paranoid I realized that when I got back to college I did not want the chance of being pregnant by this hairy asshole (even though he did not come in me). So I discovered the miracle drug Plan B, my first time taking the pill and the lady at the health center actually tried to make me feel bad about it saying “Hope we won’t see you here again”. Yea right, I was there a few years later.